one of the very loveliest & most important humans in my life told me that brokenness is beautiful & seeing girls cry is the second prettiest thing in the world, but the first was seeing them asleep, safe, in your arms—the opposite of lonely. I think healing is this crushingly beautiful thing, these moments that make you breathless, & it’s scary because bad things happen so much. & I think in any universe, Quinn would really experience that intensely: she’s gorgeous when she cries, right? I’m sad we never got to see Quinn in some moment of the opposite of restless, but dianna sleeps everywhere (lol) so. yknow. I think Quinn would be terrified of happy things & I think she’d be bitchy on bad days & I think she’d be extraordinarily tender & good when other people need her, & yeah. delirious ramble. girls are lovely when they cry but they’re even lovelier when they’re okay. not happy, but okay.
aw well thank you :) & yknow, only cry to get the fullness out, don’t be too sads
I think in some world Quinn could end up with Santana & in another world Spencer & in another Rachel & in another someone else—& that’s the brilliance of writing, character, right? I think they have traits that fit & traits that don’t, & there’s different compromises that work, yknow? characters are so nice in that way because you get to let them heal each other in narrative & through rhetoric in ways that sometimes people can’t. so, yknow, that’s cool. but I do think that faberry will probs be my main guys, but. I have a soft spot for fabrastings & I adore quinntana in general so. yknow, I like all of them in ways.
& all of my biochem friends are in the same boat lol. I’m just like over in my delirious lil book fort typing away. I responded to three very very prestigious grad school prof’s emails this evening after I finished school & work & I highly doubt they were coherent emails in the slightest & I’m just laughing because like, this is what you’re getting for grad school guys sorry lol. I’ve also been listening to Faust & Charli XCX almost exclusively for the past two days so that’s a special combo haha.
anyway, break a leg, buenos suerte, etc etc on exams this week. don’t stress too much.
I don’t know if I’d quite reduce them to that, although I certainly think Santana is wonderfully bitchy, & not as concerned with education as Quinn or Spencer.
but in terms of passion, I think Spence & San are different, not more or less. Spencer is incredibly passionate but hers is expressed through quieter things: academic stuff, little touches, quiet words. Santana is loud & grand & dramatic in her own way, & her passion is sort of in technicolor, flamenco steps, all the power & noise & vibrancy there, while Spencer’s passion is something like contemporary ballet: fluid lines, quiet breaths, colors that almost match the skin. both of them are graceful & lovely & absolutely captivating & powerful, just in different ways.
lol i think those are probably my feelings too. i mean, okay. obviously yes to wittgenstein lol. quinntana friendship will always be so dear to me, & idk how i feel about them romantically. i mean, in another universe i always thought they’d fall in love, so. for as much as i don’t believe in metaphysics, i do certainly believe in narratives with no end, & beginnings we probably cannot ever access, so. yknow, who’s to say characters can’t express benjamin, right?
(i’m so tired i’ve written like 36 pages in the past 40 hours so i’m sorry if that made no sense lol)
well—yes, it is the first sorta quinntana-not-leading-to-faberry fic i’ve written (& possibly the last? idk, we’ll see—their dynamic is so interesting).
but yes, their friendship is possibly my favorite pairing to write in most of my little universes. i think they’re both just so fierce & loyal & bitchy & they have by far the most fun dialogue :)
& finally—thank you
I know how to say ‘thank you’ in about four languages so—thank you :) we’ll see where they end up going but they’re interesting little things, aren’t they? :)
[quinntana 4x14 & AU aftermath. ffn.]
it seems to me i have known something the whole time (there is no meaning in saying so, in uttering this truth)
471. it is so difficult to find the beginning. or, better: it is difficult to begin at the beginning. & not to try to go further back.
—ludwig wittgenstein, on certainty
Quinn tastes drunk. Heady wine and rose lipstick; her hands are not necessarily steady.
You are not nearly drunk enough to do anything other than pause while she’s beneath you, breathless, eyes greener than you’ve ever seen them, and ask, ‘Are you sure?’
She says yes.
also I’m working on PL stuff to Faust & just. #pretentious
i’m laughing because i’m about 99% sure i just wrote a 10 page midterm in a sentence whoops
Perhaps the most profound impact Marx’s assertion that the metaphysical world no longer exists can be stated as this: Everything is always-already materially relational, those relations are quite often inaccessible and hidden, and they never arrive at a final meaning.
he wants me to tell you that he’s very happy & flattered by that comment :)
lol i cannot draw. i can read music & play a few instruments & sing decently though, if that counts. & i have cool typography doodles every now & then